I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
