The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
