did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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