I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
