I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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