Will you blow on my dice?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
