girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
