Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
