Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
