Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
