I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
