hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
