you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
