So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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