the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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