I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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