So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
