Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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