PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
