forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
