How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
