someone threw a dead crab at me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The power of my boobs compel you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize