Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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