Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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