can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
