hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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