I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize