I hate all girls vehemently.
barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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