think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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