The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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