i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
