Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
