Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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