You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
