oh god the rape fog is back!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
