From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
