Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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