I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
