I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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