Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize