i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize