It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
