What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize