He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
