there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
