shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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