I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
