I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
