oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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