I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize