so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
