No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
