I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize