Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come see our sink grown plant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
