I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
