Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
