my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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