We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
