she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
