I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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