I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
