Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
