she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
