I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
