Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
