There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
