he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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