that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
