she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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