Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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