So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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