I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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