There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
