My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
