Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
