Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
