just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
