I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
