I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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