What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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