I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
