I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
