To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
