Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
