Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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