Yo dont text me then not text me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
