My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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