Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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