We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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