Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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