Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
