Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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