Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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